Wow.. this last week, particularly Friday, has been an emotional rollercoaster. I don't even know where to begin, but I just feel completely drained, relieved, revived, redeemed, expectant, excited and loved all at the same time; it's amazing. Some major things that stuck out this last week were:
1. Just having faith and growing and gaining such a close relationship with God that you can begin to truely hear his voice in everything you do; in every day life, in every decision you make.
2. There is a choice in life and you have to choose to lay down your life and everything in it in order to follow God. That nothing is more important or takes priority to following God and doing that which He is calling you to do.
3. Sin and consequence. Confession, forgiveness, redemption and freedom. This was huge!!! It was really hard, but also very freeing. Now I continue to pray that I will walk in light and flee at any sin that tries to even come close to me or my life.
Thoughout the years I have always had this picture of what it would be like to have a relationship with God, as if he were a real, living person. Someone to talk to and listen to,that I could literally hear; someone who would always be there for me. The reality, however, is that this picture that I have had in my mind, the one that always seemed so far away, is actually so close and more than possible. This is the reality and a relationship with God can be so solid, so reachable, so real; you can stretch out your hand and grasp it, embracing his love and gaining such an unimaginable happiness. It's all in the choices you make and how, and who you want to live your life for. My heart has been opened so much and I am reaching and reaching continually so that I may become as close to God as I possibly can. I am actually excited to read my bible and don't look at it as a task, or something I have to do; rather something I want to do.
In the past laziness, inconvenience, selfishness and sin always kept me from persuing what God wanted so much for my life. He kept knocking and seeking a relationship with me and I either kept ignoring him, running or putting it off because of the trivial things that I thought were so important to me and my life. You know, the things that I thought I had to do before I could give myself entirely to God. I always wanted a relationship with God but I was never able to fully committ, or put %100 into it. What comes to mind is a couple verses from Song of Songs.
"I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: 'Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.' I have taken off my robe-must I put it on again? I have washed my feet-must I soil them again? My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sand at this departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer."
Song of Songs 5:2-6
I now give my life to God entirely because he is the only way to life. He is the only happiness that will ever be completely satisfying and the only pure joy that you can have. With him and through him all things are possible and he is the only way, truth and life. I will lay down my life for God and walk in his light because through him I am saved and so my life is truly his.
Lastly, I want to acknowledge how hard, but also how freeing Friday was. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I am so glad that I did it. We had opportunity to confess our sins, things from our past, things that still haunt us and also the deep rooted sins that can weave themselves through generation after generation. We just spoke out everything and then everyone prayed over it and rebuked it and asked for forgiveness; for Jesus to take the pain away and renew our strength. To redeem our lives and make us pure; let the weight of all the junk in our lives be lifted off so they we may be free.
That day I became free. Satan has no bonds against me and can hold nothing over my head anymore. He can no longer whisper lies and deceit because I know that I am forgiven and made new. That he has no power and no hold over my life. My life is God's and God's alone. He is my father, my savior, my Lord. He is my everything.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple......."
A caged bird that has been set free. The door has opened and I will spread my wings. Flying to Jesus, the world left behind; satan has no hold over me. Light of life showering love, a brilliant white light shining from above.
Leaving a world of darkness to its own destruction I will follow Jesus, for I have been set free.
I woke up today at 7--good right--and I had my breakfast, still have to make my tea...but...it was sunny. Finally. It's been so off and on, but that's the way of May around here I suppose. Anyways with a smile spread across my face and with an added spring to my step, saying "yippee" inside my head, my day was looking to be off to a wonderful start. Unfortunately my key word is was, because now when I look out my window it seems to be getting darker. The day decided to change its mind and become a gloomy mess like the last two days. I'm not complaining, but if it stays like this I hope in storms, because just rain and clouds are too much like going into winter...and we already had that. So as long as it doesn't get too close, bring on the thunder and lightning. Or sun. It's still early and I'm sure the sun will give a fair fight to keep into exposure in the sky today!
Anyways....off the weather haha. Wow it wasn't intentional to write so much on so little. But at least now I have gotten the thought of it off my mind.
Okay new with me. Now this is exciting!!! Well. For my B-day, which is coming up in June, I have purchased and ordered--on its way-- a Sharpsicle. What's a Sharpsicle you may ask? It is a lap Harp. Much smaller, much cheaper and much lighter than a Harp. It's only the first grade up with very few levers, but it's a start and will be great to practice on until I get better. Then I can save up for a Celtic Lever Harp. Yay!!! At least I am very excited about it. Does anyone play the harp??? It doesn't seem--necessarily--like a popular choice to play...at least where I live I don't know anybody who plays. My first experience of hearing a harp was from Skydancers...the animated show I used to watch when I was little haha. Other than that I've only occasionally heard them in a movie or TV show or read about them in a book. So I can't wait to actually get my hands on it and learn to play!!!
Here's a picture of my beautiful new lap Harp :)
I had a very intense midterm assignment I had to do for my motion pictures class. One section of it was to pick a music video from one of your favorite artists and basically describe how it's like a "mini musical." If it has a lift, why they put it together the way they did, how they used the video to enhance the song and the lyrics and the meaning behind them etc.
Anyways, this is the one I picked. It's called The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance. I thought I'd share it on here cause well, I thought it was amazing. It was made so well, especially for just being a 3 1/2 min. long music video. It really told a story and pulled you in--tugged at you emotionally--as if it were part of a full length movie. I absolutely love MCR so I just thought I'd let it be known I guess haha.
I went to their concert April of '08...best concert I've ever been to by the way. I want them to tour again around here so bad so I can go again. It was amazing!!!!
Well I am exhausted so I’m off to bed. Praying for sun tomorrow and a bright, cheerful day. Gerard Way has amazing facial expressions. Vampire Diaries was soooo good tonight...I’m dying with anticipation for the last two to come. Damon is--well I love Damon what more can I say--but the episode tonight was wonderfully satisfying!!! I can't wait for my coffee in the morning. My Hot Tamales are calling out to me. Okay I'm going to sleep. Goodnight World!!
What do you do when you have way! way! way! too much work to get done--in only three days--and you have no idea how you're going to finish it all in time?? Yep, that's pretty much the question that's been on a continuous loop, going through my head--over and over again. And, what am I doing about it? Definitely not studiously working through it like I should be, hence the time I'm taking for this journal entry. It's more like I'm just letting it pile up, and come Friday, I'm pretty much screwed. No! Such a bad attitude. I need to be more optimistic...and less of a procrastinator haha. I will live through the week and I will get everything done!!